When the Boys were Small and Through the Years…

Back when we were writing letters to teachers...Phil, Nate, Ben.
Back when we were writing letters to teachers…Phil, Nate, Ben.
Teenagers...Nate, Ben, Phil at Adventure Land in Des Moines, IA.
Teenagers…Nate, Ben, Phil at Adventure Land in Des Moines, IA.
At Ben's high school graduation...Nate, Ben, and Phil.
At Ben’s high school graduation…Nate, Ben, and Phil.

When our sons were in elementary school, John and I would sit down before school started every year and write a letter to each of their classroom teachers. The boys delivered the letters to their teachers during the first week of classes. It was our way of letting the teacher know that we were going to be involved parents. (Teachers probably thought we would be helicopter parents — I  hope we weren’t that bad!) But more than that, it was an opportunity to introduce our children to their teachers. We knew that these handsome little boys would be faces in a crowd and we wanted to give them the best possible start to their school year.

Nate’s letter usually went something like this:

“Nathan is the oldest of three boys and is a very responsible young man. He hates school, but if he trusts you, he will follow you to the moon and back. He has traveled to many states, seen many amazing things, visited numerous museums, and as a result, is curious about how and why things work. Learning is hard for Nathan. He will ask for help — but only when he’s desperate. He’s hard on himself and thinks that things should come easier than they do. Please be patient with him.”

Phillip’s letter was different:

“Phillip taught himself to read when he was four. Learning comes easily to him. He has a photographic memory, is fascinated by WWII, and can explain how submarines work. When you tell him what you plan to teach, he will come to school the next day knowing more about it than you can imagine. He will challenge you — if you misquote a fact, he will correct you. Most of  the time, he will be right. He is a perfectionist and is very hard on himself. We are trying to help him find balance. Your job will be a tough one, but we believe in you and will pray for you.”

Ben’s letter was different still:

“You will find that Benji is a kind, caring, and gentle young man. His goal in life is to make people around him laugh; and we apologize in advance. He knows how to behave, but may need a gentle reminder or two. When he gets “tickled” he will laugh until he cries — often slapping his leg in the process. He does imitations of adults, movie stars, and cartoon characters. Our favorite is when he imitates Timon from LION KING. He learns fairly easily, reads voraciously (mostly CALVIN AND HOBBES), and cares about the people around him. Honestly, for Benji, relationships are far more important than learning or grades.”

Like all parents, we knew that our boys were different. They still are. One of the fascinating challenges we faced was helping each of our boys to succeed in the areas where he had ability. While growing stronger in areas of strength is important, we also tried to stretch them and help them to challenge themselves — to find new areas of interest, and to determine new abilities. More than anything, however, we wanted our boys to see God as a loving Heavenly Father and to make the decision to love, follow, and serve Him. We still want that.

We are preparing to have family pictures taken again. Whenever we do that, I always look back at pictures from our yesterdays: baby pictures, school pictures, holidays, vacations, and everyday snap shots. I try to “paint a picture” in my mind of the growth of each of these young men. You see, sometimes I wonder if we did enough. Was there sufficient laughter and play balanced by times of hard work? Did we travel and create enough? Was family and time together valued? Did we spend enough time together learning about God and serving others? Naturally, we weren’t perfect, but the pictures remind me that maybe, just maybe, with God’s help we did okay. We see the men they are becoming and we are proud of the choices they are making. Are we disappointed sometimes? Of course, but they are good men — men of character and strength.

These men of character moved from the “little boy stage” to young boys in classrooms of twenty-five or thirty children. Were those letters to the teachers necessary? Maybe not, but they helped us to feel better about trusting someone else with these precious gifts.

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