The Forget Me Not… the state flower of Alaska.

Every morning for 53 years, 2 months, and 6 days I’ve awakened secure in the knowledge that my big brother was never farther away than a phone call. Tomorrow — if I manage to sleep — my world will be drastically different.

I’m one of four children. My two sisters and my only brother preceded me into the family in that order. That means that I was the youngest. While some folks think that being the youngest makes your life a piece of cake, others know the cold, hard facts. Having a big brother is both a blessing and a curse.

The  curse of being the little sister…

• Muscles — his not mine.
• Catching him smoking behind the garage and me being stupid enough to try to use it as blackmail material.
• Him telling me (and then Dad) that the crush I had on one of his friends WASN’T a good idea.
• Doing dishes while he practiced his boxing…. on my right shoulder.

But honestly, the blessings far outnumbered the curse…

• Building snowmen together.
• Being mad at our older sisters together.
• Being the most popular Indian Maid in the all school Thanksgiving Pageant in 1st grade. (Frank threatened all of his 4th grade friends that when the Indian Maids were drug to the front of the stage, I had better not be the only girl left at the back of the stage.)
• Watching him wrestle; watching him box.
• Calling him when I got on the bad side of a pretty tough bunch of kids at school — coming out of the junior high to see him standing by my bus that first day and then, finding him under the tree near the bus stop everyday after school for the rest of the year.
• Learning early on that he could hit me but no one else had that same privilege.
• Phone calls on birthdays.
• The most amazing card in the whole wide world about me being his sister.
• My big brother shaking my newly acquired husband’s hand after the wedding, tightening the grip just a fraction, and telling Mr. Gorgeous that he was to take care of me. Frank passed the reigns in that simple move…er, threat?
• An amazing niece and two incredible nephews — yes, Michael was incredible even though I never got to meet him. After all, he was my brother’s son.

God designed families. He knows that in loving our family members our lives are richer. He knows that in losing our family members we are drawn closer to the source of love…Jesus Christ.

I have amazing memories of my big brother who always seemed somehow bigger than life. I know and understand that he was not perfect, but who on earth is?  I know that the loss of a child and later a divorce nearly destroyed him. I know that God uses broken things — after He has mended them, and that He used my brother.

I prayed for my brother for years, asking God to bring Frank to a relationship with his Heavenly Father. While teaching in a private, Christian school in California, I asked my class of 5th graders to pray for Frank. I remember a young boy asked if he could pray for him right then. I thanked him and told him to go ahead. The boy prayed. In the arrogant way of adults, I just shook me head at what the boy prayed. He asked God to send someone from his hometown in Northern California to Alaska to tell my brother about Jesus. A year and a half to two years later my brother accepted Jesus as His Savior. I was thrilled. Later, my brother and I talked on the phone and he asked the name of the town I had taught in while living in California. I told him. He said something about how weird that was and I, of course, asked why. He told me about the church he was attending. It was fairly new and had been planted by a Baptist Minister from the very town where I had taught. I learned to stop being skeptical of the power in a child’s prayer.

I am thankful for my brother, for the bruises and the quarrels. I am thankful for the hugs and the protection and the rides here and there. I am grateful for my memories — I wish I had time to make more of them.

When he first left for Alaska, I bought a package of Forget Me Not seeds and I planted them in my yard so that I could feel close to him. I think it’s time to buy another package. One day, I will see him again, but until then I will Forget HIM not.