I am a lot like many women. I have a love / hate relationship with my bathroom scale.

Last summer, I made a decision. It was different than similar decisions I have made in the past. You see, I decided to work on losing weight. But honestly, it was more than just weight loss. It was about my health and enjoying life in the future. It was about future walks on many beaches with Mr. Gorgeous. It was about knowing that my body is the temple of God, and as such, it should be cared for. It was about knowing that I had failed in so many ways to take care of the body that God created and He was calling me to be a more faithful caretaker.

It was about the scales, yes.

But, really, it wasn’t.

It was about so much more. Even so, the scales and I are sometimes friends – finally. While I still have weight to lose, I’ve lost 30 pounds. It has taken nearly a year, but it has been a good year. A year of learning why I eat when I’m not hungry. Understanding the true caloric value of what I unconsciously stuffed into my face. Knowing that every bite – EVERY BITE – adds to my calorie count for the day. Knowing the truth about portion control. It was a year of discipline.

I made some decisions at the very beginning of this process…

I decided that this was the last time I would lose weight. In other words, I will NOT gain it all back again. I chose to lose weight slowly – on purpose. You see, I’ve done the fancy programs where you pay a fortune and lose weight crazy fast. Unfortunately, I never really learned or understood how to keep the weight off. I chose to do the old-fashioned calorie counting and I decided to use phone apps to help me do so. I was and remain determined to change my life for the better – and to do so permanently, with God’s help.

So… I bought a new set of scales, digital, battery operated scales. This morning though, they were NOT my friend. Yesterday was a stressful day and for the first time in a LONG time, I knowingly went over my calorie limit. Yes, I do that occasionally – not often. Then, this morning I got on the scales and my weight was up nearly 5 lbs. Five pounds? Are you kidding me? So, I got off the scale. I got back on while muttering threats to that hunk of electronic junk. It was worse. My weight was up another pound or pound and a half from the original five. Seriously? I didn’t know whether I should cry or I should scream. So, I stepped off again and watched as the scale flashed the little message that said it was calibrating. I started to breath again. When it had run its correction program, I stepped back on and found that I had gained, but I only gained about a ¼ of a pound. Much better.

Isn’t that the way life is? Sometimes we get news – good or bad, and we credit or we blame the news on the messenger. Is it because of their proximity? Or is it because we are embarrassed to take the credit for a job well done? Or, could it be because it’s easier than taking the blame for ourselves?

I was raised by humble parents. All three of them – Mom, Dad, and 2^nd Mom – are people who have accomplished many things, but they are not boastful. Their humility is honest and genuine. I think that sometimes, I am reluctant to say when I have done well because I want to be like them. But, I also know that they had great successes, and I am reluctant to admit failure – again, because I want to be like them.

As I stood on the scale this morning, I was determined to slash my calorie intake to minimal amounts if I really had gained five pounds over night. I refuse to allow one small failure to be my defeat. Yes, my weight goes up and down and it makes me crazy, but that small box will not control my days.

So… the scale and I are sort of friends today – after it got its attitude in line this morning, anyway. Tomorrow? Who knows? What I do know is that this is a journey – a marathon, if you will. I am moving forward step by step, meal by meal, snack by snack, day by day. I’m not yet where I want to be, but I’ve made progress.

I am learning so much more than a healthier lifestyle. I am learning to act mindfully – not aimlessly. I am learning to live with intention – to make choices that matter and decisions that benefit me in the long run. And, I am learning to trust the process. The process is changing my attitude, my behavior, and my body. Best of all, I’m learning to lean on God and to trust Him to help me when I really want a cherry shake instead of a glass of water.

And… I’ve learned to trust the scales…

Sometimes.