Sometimes Christmas is Hard

On December 25, 2019 By mdannels3In Thinking about Family, Thinking about God, Thinking about LoveLeave a comment

There is no other way to say it, sometimes Christmas is hard.

Sometimes… well, some years it’s hard to get into the Christmas spirit. It’s hard to get the decorations up — so I just skip some of them. Or, I just feel… lonely… maybe empty is a better word.

It’s not because I don’t want to celebrate — I do. I love Christmas. Maybe its because of stress or pressure or expectations or just a general sense of “flat” emotions. I don’t know how to explain it.

I don’t think I’m alone this year.

I’ve seen notes by others, and heard from friends, that they are have struggled to get into the Christmas spirit — just like me. And, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for them, for their families, and for those who are around me during this season.

My husband and I just watched CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS, and I promise you, we were not trying to skip Christmas.

In fact, I’ll be very honest and tell you that we had a wonderful Christmas. We shared a Christmas Eve meal together yesterday with our kids and later, we opened our stockings. Today, we pitched in and between John, Ben, Emily, and I we prepared a delicious meal that the five of us inhaled. As the meat was cooking, we opened wonderful gifts — things that we wanted or needed, or both. Some of them were sweet surprises and since some of them had been requested they were an assurance that someone was listening and that what we said mattered.

But Christmas can still be hard, can’t it?

There are loved ones who could not join us because of distance — or loved ones we could not join because of distance. There are loved ones with whom we will never celebrate again — and they are missed immensely.

It’s hard to act the part, to act like we are excited and eager, when really we are tired. It’s hard to talk yourself into having Christmas cheer when that may be the last thing you want to do.

I’m not complaining… I’m not. It’s just been a hard year to get into the spirit of the season.

Even so, I’ve celebrated. In my heart, in my soul, and in my spirit.

It’s true, for even though I am tired and not feeling “Christmassy,” Jesus is real. This day isn’t about me and my feelings, it’s about Jesus — and He is here. He is real. He is not a memory, nor is He a myth. (Thank you for that reminder Nicole Nordeman! Take a minute and look up her song, “Real” on YouTube. You will be blessed!) He is real and He is here with me, just as He has been all season.

When Christmas is hard — it’s okay. Jesus is still real and He is still the reason that we decorate, give gifts, and celebrate His birth. He makes the hard times easier to bear.

Yes, sometimes Christmas is hard.

But, Jesus is always real.

Merry Christmas, my friends!

Looking Inward

On December 1, 2019December 1, 2019 By mdannels3In Thinking about Family, Thinking about God, Thinking about Relationships, Thinking about SchoolLeave a comment

20140814_200139

As often as I think I will sit down and write, I seldom seem to get it done.

But that’s the way it goes sometimes, isn’t it. Intentions. Good, bad, or otherwise are just intentions until they are acted upon.

And so, the question becomes, why don’t we act on them? Or more specifically, why don’t I act on them?

I’ve spent a lot of time considering this and I’ve come to realize that one of the main reasons it is hard for me to follow through on my intentions – my desires – my wishes is because I am afraid of failing. Sometimes, okay, maybe more than sometimes, it’s easier to not try than to try and then fail.

It applies to so many things… art… weight loss… travel… testing to complete certification in specialty areas… pottery… photography… cooking… creative projects in general, and… writing.

Who would I be? What would I be doing? What could I have accomplished if I hadn’t let my fears hold me back?

Honestly, introspection isn’t my favorite thing, but I’m getting older and so, it’s time. In fact, it’s probably beyond time.

I have accomplished some things in my life. I married an amazing man – I am truly blessed that he chose me. As his wife, I’ve worked together with him to raise three sons and to grieve the loss of our fourth child. We’ve put food on the table, kissed boo boos, scolded for attitudes, and yes, yelled a few times because of behavior. We’ve attended and cheered at athletic, dramatic, and musical events. These young men are amazing, capable, and talented. They brighten the world with their abilities and charm. Two of them have married beautiful women – inside and out — who bring class to our family – along with their abilities and especially their patience.

I’ve taught school for 20 years. My former students are soldiers, Christian leaders, police officers, doctors, pilots, lawyers, caretakers, parents, teachers – and other things. They are incredible, gifted people who contribute to their world every day, simply by showing up and being who God has made them to be.

My husband and I have co-pastored in four different churches for the past 23 years. We’ve experience church growth, church stagnation, and church decline in those years. But most of all, we’ve watched and prayerfully, we’ve helped as people have drawn closer to God and as they’ve grown in their relationship with Him. We’ve been honored to marry couples, counsel people who were hurting, baptize believers, dedicate babies, and conduct funerals for people who were well-loved. We’ve served the poor when we were able. We’ve been blessed to simply be the hands and feet of Jesus. And, we’ve opened the Word of God, sharing what He wanted us to share – even when it was hard.

And I’ve been a friend to a lot of really great people — I’ve tried to be a good one.

Have I accomplished things? Yes, a few.

Still, there are more things to do – places to go – tasks to complete – skills to learn or improve — lives to touch.

I’m not writing this for anyone to say anything about what I’ve done or who I am – this is for me. It’s my time of looking inward, of self-assessing, of goal setting.

I think we all need to do this at different points in our life. I’ve watched as people get older and suddenly they have no more drive – I’m working to not let that be me.

My sisters are older than I am. (Sorry, girls.) I’ve watched them grow older – I’m in their shadow, right there, just behind them. But one thing I’ve noticed and appreciated is that both of them continue to grow and to learn and to become more.

I want to be like them when I grow up. I want to keep growing. I want to keep learning and I want to become a better person. I want to be more tomorrow than I am today. My goal is to continue to become who God is making me to be – I’m not there yet.

So, I’m going to go back to some of those skill areas I’ve always wanted to improve at but have allowed to be set on the back burner. Creativity – it’s going to be front and center. I can’t wait to see what God wants to accomplish as I give Him these interests again and see where He leads me.

It’ll be a journey – that’s for sure.

How about you? What do you need to pull out and work on again – or maybe for the first time? Let’s not give up or give in.

Let’s keep striving to become whoever God is calling us to be.

SCHOOL SUPPLIES… Just…. NO!

On July 8, 2019July 8, 2019 By mdannels3In Thinking about Family, Thinking about School1 Comment

DISCLAIMER: Please don’t judge the blog by its title — read it all before you judge me. WARNING: Sarcasm may have been liberally applied by the writer. Please forgive me?

As a teacher for 19 years, I may have ~~an attitude~~… er… um… an opinion about school supplies. Perhaps you do too. As a mom, I had one when I was buying them. As a kid — I definitely did. In fact, let’s do a little time traveling…

Meet 3rd grade me — pixie hair cut, brown eyes with poor vision. Mrs. Sines class. 25 students sitting with school supplies stacked on their desks. There I was in the first row second seat — behind Matt A., in front of Dwain C. with my Big Chief tablet (Was there any other kind?), my first Pee Chee folder, pencils, a red cigar box-style pencil box, an eraser, pencil sharpener, small bottle of glue, and box of 24 Crayons. As I looked around the class, I realized that my Mom had been a rule follower… again. I mean, she took that school supply list literally. How could she? There I was — I think I was the only one — with my small box of Crayons while all around me, students had boxes of 48 Crayons. And some of them, the lucky ones, had the Holy Grail of Crayola Boxes — the box of 64 with the built-in sharpener. But not me; I had the 24 box. Why couldn’t my Mom have broken the rules that ONE time? Why did she have to take the school supply list so… so… literally?

Four kids. Four lists. That’s why.

While as a third grader I may have been convinced that my mother didn’t love me as much as other kids were loved because I didn’t have the giant box of crayons, I know that isn’t true — I knew it then too. Our love for our children isn’t measured by the size of the crayon box we buy them for the first day of school — nor by the amount of glitter on the spiral cover, not by the Disney character plastic coating on their pencils, and definitely not by the designer backpack.

Classrooms are shared by many children and in that shared space, personal space is greatly limited. A small desk, a narrow locker, and an even smaller “cubby”. Teachers and school districts work to keep cost down for parents purchasing school supplies. They ask for some shared supplies — usually pencils, post its, and tissues — to name a few. And, they take into account the space available for student supplies. I remember my boys loved looking at the “cool” spirals and “awesome” pencils — most of which we didn’t buy.

I must confess that as a teacher, I have a profound addiction to purchasing school supplies. I love composition books, spiral notebooks, folders, fat tip and fine tip markers, post-its, pencils, purple pens, notepads, calendars, highlighters, stickers, blue or black gel pens, colored pencils, and bulletin board borders. Believe me, I understand that pull of those brightly colored, potential filled items. They can become so many things! Yes, I know, that’s weird.

In case you ever wondered… Fancy, brightly colored, patterned pencils are often covered by a plastic coating which destroys pencil sharpeners or gets peeled off and left all over the classroom floor. Composition notebooks and spirals with a plastic cover have now moved from being a biodegradable product to one in which a portion cannot be recycled with that portion taking over 400 years to decompose. By the way, stickers don’t stick to the plastic covers anyway. That fancy, expensive pencil box with the snap lock closure? Most of them are broken within six weeks of school starting. Some of those fancy markers have lids that are hard to close causing the markers to dry out quickly and be wasted. Finally, smelly ink pens can make a teacher nauseated when an entire paper is written in that smelly stuff — trust me I know — there really is too much of good thing.

So… when you are shopping for school supplies and your youngest begs you for the fancy whatever, just… no. They will survive — so will you. Follow the list. If you want to get something extra, ask your child’s teacher what he or she needs for their classroom. You may be surprised at the simple items that you could provide to make that classroom run easier. Your child’s teacher will thank you.

***By the way… I hope your school is a part of the Crayola Corporation Marker Recycling Program. If not, check it out! It’s free to the school and only requires a person to volunteer for a few small tasks associated with gathering and boxing up the markers. Google it! It’s a small step, but it can be an important one.

A Tale of the Scale

On June 12, 2019June 12, 2019 By mdannels3In Thinking about Family, Thinking about GodLeave a comment

FB_IMG_1498755509414

I am a lot like many women. I have a love / hate relationship with my bathroom scale.

Last summer, I made a decision. It was different than similar decisions I have made in the past. You see, I decided to work on losing weight. But honestly, it was more than just weight loss. It was about my health and enjoying life in the future. It was about future walks on many beaches with Mr. Gorgeous. It was about knowing that my body is the temple of God, and as such, it should be cared for. It was about knowing that I had failed in so many ways to take care of the body that God created and He was calling me to be a more faithful caretaker.

It was about the scales, yes.

But, really, it wasn’t.

It was about so much more. Even so, the scales and I are sometimes friends – finally. While I still have weight to lose, I’ve lost 30 pounds. It has taken nearly a year, but it has been a good year. A year of learning why I eat when I’m not hungry. Understanding the true caloric value of what I unconsciously stuffed into my face. Knowing that every bite – EVERY BITE – adds to my calorie count for the day. Knowing the truth about portion control. It was a year of discipline.

I made some decisions at the very beginning of this process…

I decided that this was the last time I would lose weight. In other words, I will NOT gain it all back again. I chose to lose weight slowly – on purpose. You see, I’ve done the fancy programs where you pay a fortune and lose weight crazy fast. Unfortunately, I never really learned or understood how to keep the weight off. I chose to do the old-fashioned calorie counting and I decided to use phone apps to help me do so. I was and remain determined to change my life for the better – and to do so permanently, with God’s help.

So… I bought a new set of scales, digital, battery operated scales. This morning though, they were NOT my friend. Yesterday was a stressful day and for the first time in a LONG time, I knowingly went over my calorie limit. Yes, I do that occasionally – not often. Then, this morning I got on the scales and my weight was up nearly 5 lbs. Five pounds? Are you kidding me? So, I got off the scale. I got back on while muttering threats to that hunk of electronic junk. It was worse. My weight was up another pound or pound and a half from the original five. Seriously? I didn’t know whether I should cry or I should scream. So, I stepped off again and watched as the scale flashed the little message that said it was calibrating. I started to breath again. When it had run its correction program, I stepped back on and found that I had gained, but I only gained about a ¼ of a pound. Much better.

Isn’t that the way life is? Sometimes we get news – good or bad, and we credit or we blame the news on the messenger. Is it because of their proximity? Or is it because we are embarrassed to take the credit for a job well done? Or, could it be because it’s easier than taking the blame for ourselves?

I was raised by humble parents. All three of them – Mom, Dad, and 2^nd Mom – are people who have accomplished many things, but they are not boastful. Their humility is honest and genuine. I think that sometimes, I am reluctant to say when I have done well because I want to be like them. But, I also know that they had great successes, and I am reluctant to admit failure – again, because I want to be like them.

As I stood on the scale this morning, I was determined to slash my calorie intake to minimal amounts if I really had gained five pounds over night. I refuse to allow one small failure to be my defeat. Yes, my weight goes up and down and it makes me crazy, but that small box will not control my days.

So… the scale and I are sort of friends today – after it got its attitude in line this morning, anyway. Tomorrow? Who knows? What I do know is that this is a journey – a marathon, if you will. I am moving forward step by step, meal by meal, snack by snack, day by day. I’m not yet where I want to be, but I’ve made progress.

I am learning so much more than a healthier lifestyle. I am learning to act mindfully – not aimlessly. I am learning to live with intention – to make choices that matter and decisions that benefit me in the long run. And, I am learning to trust the process. The process is changing my attitude, my behavior, and my body. Best of all, I’m learning to lean on God and to trust Him to help me when I really want a cherry shake instead of a glass of water.

And… I’ve learned to trust the scales…

Sometimes.

Such a Simple Thing

On March 9, 2019March 9, 2019 By mdannels3In Thinking about Communication, Thinking about God, Thinking about RelationshipsLeave a comment

13072871_10207998794641209_8514984894399717223_o

It’s really a little thing.

I mean, cooking a meal… that’s kind of in the job description of a parent or a spouse, isn’t it?

To be honest, I am not sure if I ever really thanked my mom or my step mom for a meal they prepared. And if I didn’t, I’m ashamed of myself.

You see, it was after we got married and I began cooking for John that I noticed his habit of saying “thank you” for every meal — whether it came from a fast food restaurant, a microwavable bowl purchased at the grocery, the pizza delivery guy, or some hard work in the kitchen.

It’s a small thing.

But words have power and so those two small words mean the world.

It’s not just John though. Our boys usually do it too. Their father has been their model and after most meals, they will say,”Thank you.” If John cooks, I also say thank you, and if we share the cooking, we thank each other. It has become a habit — a good one.

In this world, there are times when it seems that small things no longer matter.

After all, even an invitation to the prom these days requires pictures and posters and flowers and candy… Seriously? Okay, I am not criticizing going the extra mile for someone you care about, but it feels like we’ve tried to make everything big, huge, or gigantic. It’s as though nothing is special, because EVERYTHING is special.

Kindergartners graduate, 5th graders do, 8th graders do… By the time they get to high school, it hardly seems special anymore.

I remember talking with a friend about her husband who was apparently not very romantic. Every once in a while, they would take an evening walk and he would stop and pick the biggest, brightest dandelion he could find and hand it to her. It was a little thing, but it meant everything to her.

A few years ago, one of my students came to class during “Teacher Appreciation Week” and handed me a bouquet of lilacs and other flowers that he had picked from the yard on his family’s farm as he waited for the school bus that morning. When he gave them to me in a dusty mason jar that he had taken from their basement, he told me that he just wanted me to know that he was glad I was his teacher. It took thought and time on his part and I value that gift along with the effort he put into it. In some ways, it was a little thing, but in other ways, it was huge.

Truthfully, there are many times when small things become huge things to me.

I cannot express how huge it is to fill included — to be welcomed, to feel a part of group who see you as one of them. It’s a small thing to many, but to someone who has moved around a lot, it is an amazingly enormous gift.

In my desk, I have an expandable folder filled to overflowing. It contains notes from students, family, friends, and church members. They are notes of encouragement, thank you notes, and even good-bye notes. The words on them are small things — they took only a moment or two to write, but they have had years of impact on my life and the lives of our family. Really, they are small things yet, they are treasures.

How important is it that we do small things?

What is the value of taking a few small moments and reaching out, or a few seconds to say thank you?

20190309_150110 In my Christmas stocking, John placed a beautiful necklace that has three small bars hanging from it. Each bar has a separate word: THANKFUL, GRATEFUL, and BLESSED.

I’ve been trying very hard to live a life where I recognize all that I should be thankful for, the gratitude I need to develop, and the many ways in which I have been blessed. As I am learning to recognize them, I am working to acknowledge those who have contributed to my life and made it richer — and I am challenging myself to express my awareness of and my thankfulness for their touch in my life.

I try to do it in small ways. First of all, I thank God for them. Then, I try to do something tangible. A thank you, a flower, a text, a note, a small gift, a pat on the back — verbally or literally, a hug, a smile, an encouraging word, a cookie, a treat, a brag about them… so many little ways to let someone know that they have touched your life, that they have made a difference. If I value the little things, I know that others will too.

It really isn’t that hard, but it does take intention and thought.

I need to do it more. You?

Super…. what?

On February 3, 2019February 4, 2019 By mdannels3In Thinking about GodLeave a comment

1463306_10201992474966971_1743788417_n

Super Man

Super Power

Supersize

Super Bowl

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

They all make about the same amount of sense to me.

Super Man — a regular guy who comes out of a telephone booth wearing tights, prepared to save the day — or the maiden — or the world. Whatever needs saving, he’s there to do it.

Super Power — Yeah. I got nothin’. Okay, not true. As a teacher, there were a couple of years when I wanted a shirt that said, “Teaching is my Super Power.” Then I decided that if I were really going to have a super power, I would probably choose something else. Maybe I’d pick having eyes in the back of my head. Now that would be a useful “power”.

Super size. Um… Lets just say no!

Super Bowl. Broncos aren’t there, Packers aren’t there. Too many controversies in the playoffs — I’m not watching.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious… “…even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious.”(Lyrics by Richard Sherman, Robert Sherman, and Anthony Drewe.) Oops. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I know the song so I should sing it… or not.

Why are we so obsessed with the idea of “super” this or “super” that? Why do we want things to be “super”? What’s the point?

In our world we seem to be obsessed with something being more, one of a kind, better, or “super”. What is “it” better than? Sometimes we don’t even know what we are comparing “it” to. And therein lies the problem.

The enemy of contentment is comparison.

Why do we care about the newest, latest, greatest thing? It’s because we are comparing our reality to what we assume is the reality for someone else. When we do that, we fail to see what lies before us; we fail to appreciate the value of God’s provision in our life.

He does provide, doesn’t He?

He provides more than we realize. He brings people into our lives. Some of them challenge us and help us to grow, while others encourage and bless us as we are doing the hard work of growing. He provides a home, a job, food, and every kind of provision. He allows us to learn from Him in prayer and through His Word. He sent His Son to bring His love and to give us an opportunity to know Him personally. He gives Himself.

He does so much for us…

What if we stopped comparing our lives with the lives of the friend from work, or the neighbor down the street, or the family at church? What if we choose to accept the lifestyle that God has for us and we learn to be content? What if, instead of always wanting the next great thing, we chose to live with what is?

Please understand, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t stretch and try to do more or be better or improve our life. That’s is not my point. We need to do those things as God leads. But as we do them, let’s be sure that we are following His lead and not just striving for the next “super” moment in life.

Wouldn’t it be great if we would get to the place where we could join the Apostle Paul in saying, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances” (Philippians 4:11)?

Honestly, this is something that I need to keep working on.

How about you?

Note: The phrase “Comparison is the enemy of contentment” is not a wholly original idea, although I do not know where it originated.

The Grandest of Gestures

On December 25, 2018December 25, 2018 By mdannels3In Thinking about God, Thinking about LoveLeave a comment

We have all seen them or heard about them. Those grand gestures that people make.

Several years ago John and I were invited to sing at a church Valentine’s Day Banquet. At one point in the evening, couples were instructed to share their engagement story. We were at the table with the couple who invited us to be the special musicians for the evening. As they shared their story, we sat in amazement. This guy that we knew as a mechanic was a closet romantic. He had mastered the grand gesture and used it to his advantage when he proposed to his wife.

Last night, Christmas Eve, John mastered the grand gesture. This year has been an difficult time for me and this Christmas season has been particularly challenging. I’ve been emotional and have really struggled. Although I have some ideas, I am uncertain as to exactly why. Well, my husband has watched me, cared for me, and seen the challenges I’ve faced. To make my day bright, he created a wonderland in our yard. He recreated a vision from my childhood and from the early days of our marriage in New Mexico. He collected LED candles, kitty litter, and brown paper bags. Then he made, nearly fifty luminarias and placed them on the sidewalk in front of our house leading up to the front door of the church and the front door of our house. In New Mexico, these are a traditional Christmas decoration. They are intended to lead the Christ child to a place of safety and shelter. Luminarias are elegant in their simplicity and beauty. He made me cry.

It was truly a grand gesture, a gift, a treasure — and it was beautifully done.

Christmas is a time for grand gestures. And, to be honest, it started by the grandest of gestures, but sadly it has been missed by many.

The grandest gesture was modeled for us by God who sent His Son to be born in a borrowed space, wrapped in strips of cloth, and lain in a feeding trough. This child was Jesus. He was born of a young virgin and an earthly “father” who loved and raised him to be a man.

As a mother, my mind’s eye takes over when I think of Jesus as a toddler. I can imagine Him playing in the sawdust at His father’s feet, playing with wood scraps and old tools for toys. I can picture Him imitating His daddy. Somewhere in my mind there is a vision of Jesus picking the “flowering weeds” and taking them to Mary to make her day brighter. Later, I can imagine Him working with His father learning the carpentry trade as a teenager. I have no difficulty picturing Jesus as an adult playing with the children who were drawn to Him, to His gentleness, and to His kindness.

This the grandest of gestures that God sent changed the world. Jesus came to bring light to a dark world and to help us find our place with His Father. He came to show us the way to know His Heavenly Father.

He came as a gift.

In coming, He gives the greatest gift.

A grand gesture? We’ve all been the recipient of one. In fact, we’ve been the recipient of the grandest of gestures. Jesus has come for all of us — for you and for me. Have you accepted His gift? Have you accepted Jesus?

Is Jesus welcome where you are?

A Lesson in Gratitude

On November 19, 2018 By mdannels3In Thinking about God, Thinking about SchoolLeave a comment

20181116_105053

I always learn from my students; sometimes the lesson is unexpected.

It started several years ago when I taught middle school in Colorado. There had been a tsunami in Southeast Asia and there was a lot of news coverage. I remember watching children on a beach on one of those islands. They were playing – actually, they were digging through piles of debris that had washed ashore after the tsunami devastated their island, looking for something to play with. It broke my heart.

The next day, I went to school and watched our students with their cell phones and iPods and I wondered how they would do if suddenly everything that they had was gone. Since it was close to Thanksgiving, I decided to turn this current event into a lesson. I talked about how our hands here in the US are so full – full of food, books, games, distractions… And I talked about how those children on the beach had nothing. Their hands were completely empty.

Of course, time moved on and now I’m teaching elementary school in Wisconsin. But the world is still filled with tragedies and incomprehensible loss. I sat in a meeting last week with a woman whose granddaughter lives in Florida. Due to the hurricane that recently impacted that region, that young girl is going to school in a high school and has missed a great deal of school because of the storm. Then of course, there are the fires in the west. Specifically, the fire in the small town of Paradise, California – a town we’ve been to, a place where people we know have made their home.

In my classroom, I watched as one of my students picked up a reading book and then changed his mind and grabbed another one instead, and then repeated that action three or four times. He had so much to choose from while children in Florida and in California have nothing.

So, I once again talked to my students about how their hands are full.

It’s often a hard concept for children to understand – the idea that they have so much when others have nothing. I tied it into the fact that we are almost to Thanksgiving.

I gave my students a piece of paper and asked them to draw around their hand. I asked that they enclose the hand completely. I then showed them a photo of an elementary school in Florida that was damaged during the hurricane. Afterward, we viewed a picture of the burned out skeleton of the elementary school in Paradise. We talked about how the students in those schools – and others impacted by similar tragedies – have nothing because it is all gone. We talked about how very much we have including library books, games, puzzles, text books, desks, playground equipment, a roof, and walls. Truly, our hands are full.

Students were then instructed to write things into the drawing of their hand – things that they have, things for which they are thankful. They kept it on their desk for two days. As they thought of something, they wrote it into their hand. The thought was simple: our hands are full – fill the picture of your hand with things that you have that others may not. It was intended to be an exercise in gratitude, an opportunity to realize how very rich we are in our country, the chance to recognize how much we have.

I completed mine and hung it up on our “Works of Art” bulletin board. The children continued to work on theirs. It took them two days to fill their hands and as they did, they hung theirs up as well. At the end of the last day to turn it in, we were down to two or three students and I reminded them that they needed to be finished. One little girl went to put hers up when I realized what I was seeing…

She had written very small – she always does – and not only did she fill her hand, but she filled the paper around her hand as well. Yes, she FILLED it. Many of the things are definitely fourth grade things, they are written from the perspective of a child. Even so, I was amazed – and I continue to be. SHE FILLED THE PAGE. Some of her listed items make me smile.

Still… She. Filled. The. Page.

When was the last time I was truly aware of the things that fill my hands?

When did I last give thanks for my glasses, or eagles, or land, or buckets, or eyebrows, or zippers? I’ll freely admit it, I’ve NEVER been thankful for spiders… ick. But there are a lot of things on her list that I COULD be and perhaps SHOULD be thankful for.

There is so much more in this world to be thankful for – so many more things to be aware of, to appreciate, to value.

A ten year old reminded me of that fact.

We live in a world that is filled with God’s hand and God’s touch. We need to realize that our hands are full. We need to show our gratitude.

I needed to be reminded; I need to be grateful.

And Now We’ve Said Goodbye…

On November 2, 2018 By mdannels3In Thinking about Family, Thinking about RelationshipsLeave a comment

1975217_10202577286946905_1823000065_n

Alzheimer’s. Parkinson’s.

Two horrible, cruel, and relentless diseases that have claimed someone we love. I hope this doesn’t offend you, but I hate these diseases.

A few years ago, I wrote a blog about Alzheimer’s. I did so because my brother-in-law was diagnosed with this type of dementia. It was an early onset form of the disease, meaning that he was diagnosed at a younger-than-normal age. He lost his battle with the disease recently, and again, it was at a younger-than-normal age.

He was a husband, father, son, uncle, brother, cousin, and brother-in-law. He romanced my sister, raised strong, independent daughters, became a member of our clan, lived as an outdoors man, cooked like a chef, and worked diligently at his chosen profession.

He was a friend; he was family.

The disease first showed itself when he began to forget things. At one point, he lined up pictures on his dresser and every morning would go through the names of the ones in those pictures because he was determined to not forget the ones that he loved. He knew that something was wrong and as was his character, he set out to “fix” it. The diagnosis of Early Onset Alzheimer’s ended his career sooner than intended. Later, to add insult to injury, Parkinson’s was also diagnosed.

We have since learned that Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s are diseases that often occur simultaneously. To be honest, we’ve learned more about these two diseases than we ever wanted or cared to know — my sister and her girls especially.

This disease is a thief. To begin, it steals in small ways that are barely noticeable, it causes confusion, and frustration. For my brother-in-law, the consumate outsdoorsman, it stole his desire to fish, to hunt, and to hike. The memories that he had created and the opportunity to continue creating memories with his family while participating in these activities suddenly ended as well. As the disease continued to impact his mind, it stole his recent memory, familiar behaviors, loved personality traits, and his independence. In the later stages, it took other abilities, including the ability to speak and to be understood.

His disease ran its course quickly, too quickly.

Young couples dream of the day when they will get to enjoy freedom to travel or to stay home and engage in their hobbies. Alzheimer’s took away that dream in more ways than one. Dreams that seemed so simple, restful, and enjoyable were no longer feasible when the interest and ability to engage in them ceased. Then of course, the time to enjoy them was taken when we lost him. My heart hurts for my sister and my nieces. They have lost so much.

Goodbyes are hard. This is one we wouldn’t have chosen. Yet, we’ve been saying goodbye to so many little things each and every day for the last few years. That doesn’t make saying the final goodbye to him — or to anyone — any easier.

I’ve learned something through this process.

Pictures — memories — laughter — travel — hikes — sitting together and drinking coffee — hugs — “I love you’s” — say “YES” to all of them. Say “YES” often. Make opportunities for them and say “YES” every chance you get.

Just as when I lost my brother, I went looking for pictures of my brother-in-law in the numerous albums and boxes of pictures and I discovered that I had far too few.

Memories — I’ve got those. Numerous memories filled with laughter, rolled eyes, rivers, mountain trails, Cocker Spaniels, a Lab, cats, goats, dancing, delicious food, and good conversations.

Laughter? Yes, we shared a lot of it — probably not enough, but there was a bunch. Hugs and “I love you’s” were often present as well. Again, probably not enough, but we do have the memories of the ones we enjoyed.

Make memories — they are treasures that cannot be replaced.

One thing I greatly admired about my sister was the decision she made to create as many memories for her, her daughters, and her grandchildren as she possibly could that included their loved one. Those memories are jewels that they will treasure for the rest of their lives. The fact that he is gone cannot touch them. Those memories are truly a blessing and a gift.

We will all say our own goodbyes. Some may be protracted as this one was, but some may be quick and unexpected. We will feel prepared for some and others will take us off guard.

Live so that there will be no regrets.

Live at peace with one another. Make memories that will be treasures, not regrets. Spend time together. Say what needs to be said. Remember to be kind. Say “YES.”

Love each other — and be sure to tell them.

A Hunger for More

On October 26, 2018October 26, 2018 By mdannels3In Thinking about God2 Comments

Yesterday was Parent-Teacher Conferences and, as such, I was at school for 13 1/2 hours. It was a good day — long — but good. This morning since it was Fall Break, I slept in.

Hurray for being able to turn off the alarm clock!

Even though this was a day off work, there was work to be done. And so I went grocery shopping — perhaps my least favorite of all chores.

I wandered up and down the aisles of my local supermarket, marked items off my list, avoided workers as they stocked shelves, added up the prices to make sure we stayed on budget, and suddenly I thought, “I’m starving!” Yes, I know, you aren’t supposed to go shopping when you are hungry. But the phrase, “I’m starving,” kept running through my head.

Because I’ve recently made commitments to myself and to others to live a healthier life, I try to respond to that kind of an internal message by evaluating… No. I wasn’t hungry — and I most definitely WASN’T starving.

Still, that phrase kept running through my head and my heart.

As I continued assessing where that feeling was coming from, I could find no reason to feel as though I was “starving.”

So I asked the One who knows all; I asked my Father why I was having that sensation of hunger.

And He answered.

His answer went something like this… “My daughter, you are not hungry for food, you are hungry for ME. You are hungry to be in my Word, to spend time talking and listening to me in prayer. You are missing that time when we are together. Me. You’re hungry for Me.”

I sensed His answer as clearly as if I’d heard His voice audibly. It was a sense deep in my spirit, a calling in my soul, an assurance in my heart that time with Him would fill me again.

Spending time with Him is my practice each night before I go to bed. I spend time in the Word and at different times during the day, I spend time in prayer, but sometimes I still need to do a more than usual. Sometimes I just need to go deeper.

My relationship with Him is like any other relationship of which I am a part. You see, I’ve been married to John for 32 years. I love him. We see each other daily — talk together, eat together, and laugh together every day. Earlier this week, I was grading papers when John came into our room and asked me if I would go on a date with him on Friday. Of course I said, “Yes,” and tonight we went out together. We shared some laughter and conversation, ate salad and pizza, and we drank Coke Zero at Pizza Ranch. It wasn’t a fancy time or even an “out of the ordinary” time. Instead, it was time spent doing what we always do. Even so, it was special because we set that time apart — just to concentrate on each other — to focus on what we wanted to talk about — not what we needed to talk about. Those conversations are different.

It’s what God wants and it’s what I need.

I need to set aside a special time — time for more than just the normal reading and praying. I need to have a different kind of a conversation with my Father. I need a concentrated time to listen and to allow him to fill me again with His peace, His love, grace, assurance, and with His presence.