Category: Thinking about Relationships

Missing Mom

On By mdannels3In Thinking about Family, Thinking about God, Thinking about Love, Thinking about RelationshipsLeave a comment

She’s my Mom. She was my first best friend. She loved me.

My Mom was a spoiler of kids and grandkids. She loved them all. If you were fortunate enough to be related to her by blood or by “adoption”, she took great delight in loving on you and making your world a better place.

On the day that Elvis died, she and I were in a little park in Carlsbad, NM. They had a small lake with peddle boats on it. I had always wanted to ride on one, but Mom was little skeptical. Finally, I convinced her to ride it with me. We did. Then, we found a small coffee shop that looked out over the lake and we were eating ice cream when the radio announced that “the King” was dead. It’s such an arbitrary thing to remember about a day, but what I treasure about that day was Mom, being with her, convincing her to do something that she was uncomfortable with and having fun in the process.

I loved shopping with her. In Albuquerque, there was an old Penney’s store. It had those big old stairs in the center-back of the store that lead up to a section of the store. We were heading downstairs to pay for our purchases when her sandal caught on the trim strip at the edge of the stair and she tripped. She fell down the stairs, head first. I ran down to her, the manager rushed over as did many of the customers. I knew my Mom and knew she was going to be embarrassed. I helped her sit up and the manager wouldn’t let her leave until he “assessed” her condition. As a nurse, that made Mom start to giggle. Bruised, certainly. But her condition, was fine. So she giggled and giggled. She looked at me and I started laughing. We sat on those stairs and laughed for 10 minutes. The manager was so confused, at first he thought she was hysterical, but he finally understood that she must be fine. And she was. We laughed our way to the car and then went home. As we retold the story that night at dinner, my Aunt and my Mom both laughed and laughed until they were crying. That’s how she dealt with situations like that… she laughed.

Mom always said you had a choice, you could laugh or you could cry and she would always choose laughter. Believe me, she did. Her favorite quote was, “Two men looked out through prison bars. One saw mud; one say stars.” Then she’d look at me and say, “Look for the stars.”

I’m looking for stars.

She taught me about Jesus. She took me to church and helped me to find a foundation for living my life in a way that pleased Him and made her proud. Mom taught by example because she loved Jesus first.

As a single mom, she spoiled me more than she should have. As a grandmother, she was out of control — I often threatened to send her to her room. Around her, we always had a sense of belonging and safety, Mug Root Beer, Sundae Cones, cinnamon sugar toast, bread with butter and sugar, dark chocolate frosting on saltines, artichokes, pomegranates, Persian Roll donuts, dilly bars, French fries whenever her grandson said, “Fries!” An N-64 with a couple of games for Christmas. Dinner at their favorite restaurant for their birthday, singing around the piano, gallons of hot chocolate, the SOUND OF MUSIC at the drive in, drives in the mountains and in the desert… so many memories. So many hugs. So many gifts. So much laughter. So much love.

She had been slowing down for a few years, but her heart and spirit never changed.

She loved. She loved deeply. She loved richly and those of us who received her love are incredibly blessed.

I love you, Mom! I miss you. I’ll see you again and when I do, I’ll take one of your hugs.

THINGS TO REMEMBER; STUFF TO NEVER FORGET

On By mdannels3In Silliness, Thinking about Family, Thinking about God, Thinking about Love, Thinking about RelationshipsLeave a comment

Okay, I’ll admit it…. I’m old. I’m older than I wish I were, but with age comes wisdom — hopefully. The last six months have had a few highs and unfortunately, it feels as though they have had a lot of lows. But then, that’s the way that life goes, isn’t it? As we look back and then look ahead, we realize the value of things that we’ve experienced and things that we’ve learned. So today, maybe with a dash of sarcasm and a bit of seriousness, I am thinking of things that are important, things that matter, things that should be remembered. Hopefully these ideas will remind you of things that you need to remember and stuff you should never forget.

*****

Things to remember…

Act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8.)

SEE people, no I mean really SEE them. Listen more; speak less. Hugs are good medicine. If someone comes to mind, pray for them first, then touch base with them. Chances are you will be a lifeline and you’ll never know that you were. Send the card, the email, the text. Make the phone call. Invest in people. Enter into their hurt and love them through it.

Save more; spend less. Whatever you do, begin with the end in mind. Live generously.

Don’t plug your nose when you sneeze, your brains will blow out your ears. 🙂

Music is good for the soul, the spirit, and the heart. Play it, sing, dance, listen… enjoy it!

Laugh. Laugh more. Then, laugh again. Smiles are free — share them often. Share whatever you can. Meet the needs of others whenever possible.

Be kind ALWAYS.

Pets make life easier in many ways. They make it harder in others.

Live a positive life: “Two men looked out through prison bars. One saw mud; one saw stars.” Look for the stars.

Take pictures — lots of them! Share them, enjoy them. Remember those treasured moments and when days are hard, look back at the pictures to celebrate the life that you’ve been blessed to live and the people who’ve shared your days.

LET PEOPLE TAKE YOUR PICTURE!! Seriously. Let them. And if you’re holding the camera, REMEMBER — that embarrassing picture you thought was so funny, probably isn’t. Be kind. Take more pictures than you think you need. Then there will always be at least one that you will love and the subject won’t be embarrassed by. One more thing, I know — I don’t always like having my picture taken, but I don’t want the only memory of me being that there were pictures taken so I must have been there holding the camera. Take the camera and make sure everyone is represented in the memories.

Cry. Grieve. Mourn.

DREAM BIG!!

Remember, we must have both sunshine and rain to make the rainbow. Hard times and good times work together to make a complete life. Without one, we will not appreciate the other. And when they come together — we learn, we feel, and we grow.

Try new things… learn to paint, to sing, to play an instrument, a new sport, or a new hobby. (No. I won’t be trying tuna.) Become a runner, a weight lifter, a biker. Become a foodie — practice your chef skills or enjoy being a taste tester for a friend who is practicing their chef skills. Whatever you try — add something new to your skill set and enjoy the process of learning. You’re never too old to learn or to try something new.

Stuff to never forget…

Jesus loves me, this I know.

You don’t need to know what other people think of you. Forgive early. Forgive often. Move on. Don’t live in pain and hurt.

How to drive a stick shift. If you didn’t learn — you can’t learn any younger so start today.

“You can’t go back and begin again; you can start from here to make a brand new end.” It’s never too late to start something new; never too late to begin again.

Trust your gut.

Other people’s choices belong to them. Their choices may hurt us, but they aren’t ours. We pray, we love, we support and we allow others to live their own lives. And sometimes yes, we watch, support, and love them as they face the consequences of the choices that they made.

There are seasons to our lives. There are seasons in families, in friendships, in careers, in education, in health. Navigate through these seasons with help from the Lord.

Life isn’t about the destination, it’s about the journey. Enjoy the journey.

Say what needs to be said. Say I’m sorry and tell special people that you love them. Make sure that when you lose someone there will be no regrets because you’ve said the important things.

Weigh your words. Weigh them again. Now, weigh them one more time then speak kindly, gently, and lovingly.

Treasure friends and family. Invest in them. Invest in the relationships.

Time is a treasure. Spend it wisely.

*****

So yeah. I think I could probably go on and on and on. I won’t though. I’ll let you think about and be annoyed by the things I’ve already shared. Smile. I hope that you laughed at least once or twice and I hope that like me, you’ve given thanks for people who’ve spent years teaching and investing in you. Hopefully, someday we’ll have some wisdom and we will actually put it into practice.

A Treasure of Moments

On By mdannels3In Thinking about Family, Thinking about God, Thinking about Love, Thinking about RelationshipsLeave a comment
If a horse or a mule wasn’t following him, then a kid was. This is my Daddy.

I’m a Daddy’s girl. Truth be told, I’m one of three Daddy’s girls.

Yes, I’m old and I still call him Daddy — as do my sisters. It has been four days since we lost our Daddy and to be honest, my mind is racing. Memories are coming in flashes — things I’d not thought of for years keep showing up in my thoughts. They are precious, some are personal, and sometimes they’re funny. As I’ve remembered, I’ve been organizing them in my mind, organizing them into categories and subcategories. And, I am thankful.

DADDY TRUSTED ME…

When I was seven, he sat me on his tractor, put it in low gear, and told me to take it to the corral. He said that when I got there, I should stand on the brake and that he’d be there to meet me. I did; he was.

The SkiDoo was another place he trusted me. He had me sit in front of him on the seat and told me to take him for a ride. I did — and I froze with my hand on the throttle. He had to knock my hand off and turn it at the last minute to keep us from crashing. Years later, he took my boys and I snowmobiling and laughed as I picked the fastest machine (I am a mechanic’s daughter, after all) to race my son. I still remember Daddy’s smile as he watched me beat Nate.

When I was 18, he handed me the keys to his big old Dodge pickup and sent me to Somerset for a load of coal. The last thing he told me was to remember that I needed to keep it at the speed limit.

Every time I needed to go somewhere, he would make sure I had a set of keys.

Because he trusted me, I learned to trust myself.

DADDY BELIEVED IN ME…

I needed a car when I attended college and Daddy got me a ’68 Rambler Rebel — I loved that car! Of course, old cars have problems and I would call him when ever one arose. At one point, he had me buy a tire patch kit and he reminded me that I knew how to read directions so I could most definitely patch the tire. Later, the muffler developed a hole that was loud enough to wake the neighbors. Daddy told me what to buy and, on the phone, walked me through me how to use a muffler bandage to make the repair. Do they even make those anymore?

Then, there was the day when I drove that car onto base where I lived with a military family working as their nanny. I was told to park the car until it was fixed and stopped blowing smoke. I called Daddy. He diagnosed the problem, sent me the part, and on the phone, talked me through how to replace the transmission’s vacuum modulator. He kept telling me I could do this and he was right.

Because he believed in me, I learned to believe in myself.

DADDY SUPPORTED ME…

School occasionally had special events for students, I could always find him in the crowd — even in the middle of the day.

Music was something I dearly loved and I wanted a piano. I thought it would never happen, but I went to camp one summer and came home to find a piano in the den.

He had six mouths to feed and he worked hard to do it. That often meant that he missed daytime recitals or little league games. But later, he was at my piano recital after I started taking lessons again as an adult. And he was always at our boys recitals. Even though he never attended any of my sporting events when I was in school, when I was a middle school volley ball coach, he and Momma would often come to watch my team play. He would meet my girls and watch me as I did my job.

Because he supported me, I came to understand that my efforts were worthwhile and they had value.

DADDY HELPED ME AND TAUGHT ME…

In third grade, I was Mary in the church Christmas play. I had options for my costume, but I wanted to wear Daddy’s navy blue printed robe and he said I could. He helped me have the perfect costume.

School children often make Valentine boxes for their school parties. In fourth grade, I decided to make a covered wagon for mine. I began working on it and Daddy made a few suggestions. Then he offered to help me and I was smart enough to let him. I had the coolest Valentine Box — it had a horse in front with heavy thread used to make a harness and reins, wheels that actually turned, a seat for a driver and so much more. It was perfect, I loved it and I was so proud of it.

Junior High brought Science Fairs. One year I wanted to make a circuit board and Daddy taught me to solder so I could make a GOOD circuit board that actually worked.

In 9th grade Speech, we were performing demonstration speeches. Everyone was demonstrating things that were quite normal — cooking, building, sewing… boring. I asked Daddy to teach me something about cars so I could demonstrate that. He taught me how to use a tachometer and how to gap a spark plug. He loaned me a tachometer, a feeler gauge, and some spark plugs with which to demonstrate. I got an A+ because I learned something new and because it was the first time any student, let alone a girl, had ever done anything about cars.

He taught all of us how fry eggs.

I attended high school in New Mexico. I had had my ’69 Toyota Corolla for 12 hours and was on my way to school when my neighbor ran into my car. I got his information, went home and immediately called my Dad. He calmed me down, reminded me that he was over 300 miles away and told me to call my mom.

Because he helped me in so many ways and taught me so many things, I came to understand that I could do what needed to be done and I could face any situation, even the hard ones.

DADDY TOOK CARE OF ME…

Daddy had a doctor’s appointment in Denver. He got me up really early, told me to get in his pick-up and he and I went to Denver. He took me to my first eye doctor appointment and then to the Denver Zoo while we waited for his Doctor’s appointment. We came back home the same day. A day I’ll always treasure.

In fifth grade I had my tonsils out and he was sitting by my hospital bed when I woke up.

In Junior High, I would occasionally get really bad headaches. One day, I had a terrible one and on his lunch break, he brought me some medicine for my head. A few weeks later, I got the flu. I went to school on Monday morning, and the school nurse took me home about 10. When Daddy came home at noon I was sound asleep. He made sure I had lunch everyday for the rest of that week as I recovered.

If I needed a vehicle, he always helped me get one.

When John and I were in college, we were working hard. One day, Daddy and Momma arrived with a chest freezer filled with elk and venison. During the next five years as we prepared for ministry, our freezer was never empty. We always had meat to feed our boys.

Because he took care of me, I learned to take care of myself and to take care of others.

DADDY LOVED ME…

As I was preparing to sit down for breakfast on my fourteenth birthday, Daddy came up beside me, gave me a hug, and told me that teen years could be hard but that he’d always be there for me. And he was as good as his word.

He loved our boys and he supported them by teaching them, helping them, attending concerts and football games, and just being their grandpa. In doing this, he showed me how much he loved me as well.

I never doubted his love.

Because he loved me, I learned how to love and support my own family.

____________________

I believe that God chose my Daddy for me and I am incredibly thankful. No one could have been better. Was he perfect? No and he would have admitted that. However, he was the perfect Dad for me.

The heritage that I have gained from him is deep and wide. It has touched every aspect of my life and I am richly blessed. I miss him. I will always miss him.

I love you, Daddy — I’ll see you again someday.

A Hug From Mom’s Coat

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Like most siblings, when I was a little girl, my big brother and I would play hide and seek. We usually played it outside and almost invariably, I would get found. However sometimes the game moved inside which meant there was one place I could hide where I was never found — inside Mom’s coat.

You see, my mom had this black dress coat that had little flecks of color all over it. I specifically remember the red and yellow flecks — they were the ones that caught my eye. The coat hung in Mom and Dad’s closet. The clothing bar was low enough that Mom’s coat almost touched the closet floor. The lining in that beautiful coat was heavy black satin. It was soft and almost fluid when it touched my face as I would hide inside the coat.

I loved that coat — the look of it, the texture and feel of it. I loved that as I stood wrapped in its warmth, I could smell my Mom’s perfume. It was almost like she was hugging me while I was quietly waiting for my brother to stop looking for me so that I could slip from the safety of the coat and rush to home base.

Memories.

My mom, her coat, her perfume, the warmth, safety, and sense of belonging that I felt as I stood within its folds. My brother, his tenacity, the fact that he actually thought I was fun to play with, especially since I sure thought that he was.

To be honest, those memories have been front and center in my heart and mind during the past few weeks. Partly because my brother has been gone for seven years this week and I miss him. They’ve also been on my mind because I am missing my mom — she lives a long, long way from here.

I guess I’ve been reliving that game with my brother and those hugs from Mom’s coat for quite awhile now. In the past year, I’ve gotten two sweaters with the same kinds of colorful flecks in them — one white one and one black. I love them. They remind me of carefree, happy days playing with my brother. They remind me of Mom’s coat. That’s all the reason I need to keep them in my closet.

I am coming to realize that those treasured memories can make a big difference on a cold, sad, hard day.

I believe that our memories are gifts from God. It doesn’t matter whether they are good or bad memories, they have meaning. The “bad” memories are the ones that help us to see the value of the “good” memories as we experience the contrasting emotions. For example, how can we know the value of hug unless we’ve also experienced loneliness? Is it possible to appreciate a sense of welcome without knowing rejection?

Maybe, just maybe, the reason I’ve been reliving all those hugs from Mom’s coat is because I’m supposed to help create a memory of welcome in the life of someone around me. Perhaps I’ve been remembering a game with my brother because someone in my world needs to feel as though they have been included.

Memories. We are treasure them, and we are blessed by them.

The question then becomes, how can I to be a part of making memories in another person’s life so that he or she can know what it’s like to belong, to be welcomed, and to be valued?

Lessons From the Dog

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I must confess, I have been harassing our dog.

It’s not like he doesn’t harass me back, but maybe I’m being a bit of a jerk to him. You see, our son lived here with us until just before Covid hit. That means that Yoda has been used to having people around him all day, most days. Lucky him.

(The back story to all of this is that Yoda has a collection of toys — a toy box full of fluffy, stuffed, noisy, squeaky, rolling, annoying toys. And yes, it’s partly my fault.)

When I was home for 2 1/2 months — only going out to go on a drive or to pick up groceries — I started a new little “game” in which I would grab everyone of his 15 million toys that he had strewn about the living room and would chuck them into the guest room. I was then guaranteed at least 20 minutes of time where he wouldn’t be begging me to throw something. Because of Yoda’s “No man left behind” mentality it was a successful ploy for months.

Then, he figured it out, not everything is worth carrying with you into the next room, the next space, the next year.

Yes, he always brings out his five — count them — five pigs, his two dragons, the squirrel tail, racoon, and lamb-i-kins that have no stuffing. They matter; they are important.

But he’s started leaving the fluffy yellow tail to the orangutan that got thrown away a year ago on the floor in the guest room. The mostly chewed to shreds blue softball is rarely carried out and the new looking, incredibly annoying chicken is only brought into the living room when I bring it. He’s learned the value of leaving some things behind — the things that have lost their value and the things that really just annoy him. He’s also learned that just because someone else finds value in something, it doesn’t mean that he needs to. (That stupid chicken cost more than it should have and he hates it!)

I’m trying to follow his lead.

Just because something once had a value and served a purpose doesn’t mean it always will. Even though something has a numeric value, doesn’t mean that it is something I should treasure.

Yoda’s pig family is a treasure to him. He knows the difference between the purple pig, yellow pig, big pink pig, baby pig, and small pink pig. Yes, I’ve been told that dogs don’t see in color — but somehow, he knows. His dragons are important too. The newest one is fairly large and when he carries it around, it’s tail and wings flop everywhere. But that new dragon and his old little one — they matter. For these seven toys, that “No man left behind” mentality applies. But for most of the other stuff…. he doesn’t care unless I care. Except for the chicken — he NEVER cares about it.

What I’ve learned from chucking toys into the spare room is that really, Yoda doesn’t care all that much what I throw. What he cares about is the time I spend with him.

Again, I’m trying to learn from my dog.

Recently he was sick. He ran a fever for a few days, was on antibiotics, and in general didn’t have any energy. He took a lot of naps while sitting by my side, and when he did, he would get his big dragon and hug it as he slept. When I looked at the floor beside the chair, he had carried most of the pigs to sit beside the chair. If he wasn’t going to leave them behind, he wanted to make sure they didn’t leave him behind either.

The stuff around me doesn’t all need my attention — the people in my world do. The people, those who God has placed in my world matter and they need to be treasured, valued, loved, and cared for — even when I may be struggling. I’ve learned that when I struggle, if I invest in others, my struggle is less because my focus is elsewhere.

In 2021, I’m leaving some stuff behind and I’m only taking the things that truly matter. But the people, I’m bringing them with me — encouraging them, spending time with them (virtually?), and investing in them.

They matter.

WOULD YOU RATHER?

On By mdannels3In Thinking about Love, Thinking about Relationships, Thinking about SchoolLeave a comment

IMG_20170607_143740174There is a popular game played by teachers and children these days. It’s called, “Would You Rather?” Would you rather is a goofy game that asks two questions where students have to choose between two endings… Some of those possible endings are horrible, nasty choices.

For example…  Would you rather lick a trashcan? Or lick a muddy boot? There can be less offensive questions such as, Would you rather be the funniest person alive or be the smartest person alive? And, there are experience questions such as, Would you rather be able to fly or would you rather be invisible?

So, for a couple of minutes, let’s play a game of Would You Rather?

Would you rather stay home for a few weeks? Or, would you rather share an unseen illness with someone you don’t know who has a severe health condition?

Or this one, Would you rather be inconvenienced and possibly save lives, whether the inconvenience is necessary or not? Or, would you rather see thousands die because we believed it wasn’t necessary, but really it was?

Friends, I am not here to argue the necessity of this shutdown, this Safer at Home order. I’m not here to talk about a loss of civil liberty. And, I’m not here to complain that there have been more deaths caused by illnesses or choices other than COVID 19.

Instead, I am here today to think for a few minutes about love. Usually, we talk and think about love around Valentines, but it seems to me that this is the time to actually think about, talk about, teach about, and actually practice loving one another.

I want to start by thinking about how God’s word defines love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a:  “4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.”

So many of these phrases apply to this time that we are in. This time of inconvenience, loneliness, uncertainty, and discontent are times that require us to be patient and kind. Our patience is needed as we deal with Safer at Home. We are doing a kindness to our neighbor when we stay at home, wear a mask, and practice social distancing. Our actions honor others when we follow the guidelines set out by the experts in our land. We act selflessly when we choose to stay at home and not cause others to become ill.

Did you notice that one phrase that says, it always protects? That’s what we are doing as we follow these difficult orders, we are protecting others. In fact, as we exhibit patience, show kindness, honor others by our actions, act selflessly, and protect others, we are in fact, showing them our love. Our actions are showing the love of Jesus, the love of God to our neighbors.

Galations 6:2 tells us to, “Bear on another’s burdens.” Could it be that as we stay in our homes, wear our masks, stay six feet away from each other, avoid going places…. Could it be that we are bearing the burdens of those around us?

I have a friend who has two sons. One of her boys has a disease that greatly impacts his health. They have isolated themselves in their home, on drives, or on nature trails since the beginning of this pandemic. Her concern is not what they are doing, her concern is that every time she goes out of her home to pick up groceries, to run to the pharmacy, even to pick up some thing where she is barely out of her car,  she could be exposed to something that someone doesn’t even know they are carrying – something that seems to not effect many people – but something that could cause her son to become critically ill, and perhaps, to cause her son to lose his life.

When we do what we are asked, we are helping to bear her burden and the burden that her family bears whenever they have to go out into this world. But is’s not just her and her family — there are many others whose lives we are impacting as well.

My friends, I have to tell you, I want to go to a restaurant, have someone bring me a delicious glass of flavored ice tea, some chips and salsa, and eventually – after I’ve enjoyed some quiet conversation – bring me sizzling platter of chicken fajitas. And I will do this, as soon as I am told it is safe.

This experience has shown me that one of my pass times is window shopping – not buying, but simply walking up and down the aisles of stores and looking. When my favorite stores open, I’ll be there — looking and probably spending a little bit too.

I understand that as a teacher, I love spending time with 26 small people five days a week and I miss them. I miss their stories, watching the light bulbs that come on as they have finally understood that difficult concept I’ve spent hours teaching, listening to them giggle, and asking them to be quiet for the 75th time that day. I miss THEM. Meeting with them in video conferences just isn’t the same. Sadly, I won’t be back with them in person this year — but next year, I will see most of them and I will be amazed at how they have grown and changed.

Honestly, I cannot wait for the freedom of movement that will eventually come to us.

But for right now, I have to ask myself a couple of questions…

Would I rather have my own way? Or, Would I rather help my neighbor?

 

 

 

 

Looking Inward

On By mdannels3In Thinking about Family, Thinking about God, Thinking about Relationships, Thinking about SchoolLeave a comment

20140814_200139

As often as I think I will sit down and write, I seldom seem to get it done.

But that’s the way it goes sometimes, isn’t it. Intentions. Good, bad, or otherwise are just intentions until they are acted upon.

And so, the question becomes, why don’t we act on them? Or more specifically, why don’t I act on them?

I’ve spent a lot of time considering this and I’ve come to realize that one of the main reasons it is hard for me to follow through on my intentions – my desires – my wishes is because I am afraid of failing. Sometimes, okay, maybe more than sometimes, it’s easier to not try than to try and then fail.

It applies to so many things…  art… weight loss… travel… testing to complete certification in specialty areas… pottery… photography… cooking… creative projects in general, and… writing.

Who would I be? What would I be doing? What could I have accomplished if I hadn’t let my fears hold me back?

Honestly, introspection isn’t my favorite thing, but I’m getting older and so, it’s time. In fact, it’s probably beyond time.

I have accomplished some things in my life. I married an amazing man – I am truly blessed that he chose me. As his wife, I’ve worked together with him to raise three sons and to grieve the loss of our fourth child. We’ve put food on the table, kissed boo boos, scolded for attitudes, and yes, yelled a few times because of behavior. We’ve attended and cheered at athletic, dramatic, and musical events. These young men are amazing, capable, and talented. They brighten the world with their abilities and charm. Two of them have married beautiful women – inside and out — who bring class to our family – along with their abilities and especially their patience.

I’ve taught school for 20 years. My former students are soldiers, Christian leaders, police officers, doctors, pilots, lawyers, caretakers, parents, teachers – and other things. They are incredible, gifted people who contribute to their world every day, simply by showing up and being who God has made them to be.

My husband and I have co-pastored in four different churches for the past 23 years. We’ve experience church growth, church stagnation, and church decline in those years. But most of all, we’ve watched and prayerfully, we’ve helped as people have drawn closer to God and as they’ve grown in their relationship with Him. We’ve been honored to marry couples, counsel people who were hurting, baptize believers, dedicate babies, and conduct funerals for people who were well-loved. We’ve served the poor when we were able. We’ve been blessed to simply be the hands and feet of Jesus. And, we’ve opened the Word of God, sharing what He wanted us to share – even when it was hard.

And I’ve been a friend to a lot of really great people — I’ve tried to be a good one.

Have I accomplished things? Yes, a few.

Still, there are more things to do – places to go – tasks to complete – skills to learn or improve — lives to touch.

I’m not writing this for anyone to say anything about what I’ve done or who I am – this is for me. It’s my time of looking inward, of self-assessing, of goal setting.

I think we all need to do this at different points in our life. I’ve watched as people get older and suddenly they have no more drive – I’m working to not let that be me.

My sisters are older than I am. (Sorry, girls.) I’ve watched them grow older – I’m in their shadow, right there, just behind them. But one thing I’ve noticed and appreciated is that both of them continue to grow and to learn and to become more.

I want to be like them when I grow up. I want to keep growing. I want to keep learning and I want to become a better person. I want to be more tomorrow than I am today. My goal is to continue to become who God is making me to be – I’m not there yet.

So, I’m going to go back to some of those skill areas I’ve always wanted to improve at but have allowed to be set on the back burner. Creativity – it’s going to be front and center. I can’t wait to see what God wants to accomplish as I give Him these interests again and see where He leads me.

It’ll be a journey – that’s for sure.

How about you? What do you need to pull out and work on again – or maybe for the first time? Let’s not give up or give in.

Let’s keep striving to become whoever God is calling us to be.

Such a Simple Thing

On By mdannels3In Thinking about Communication, Thinking about God, Thinking about RelationshipsLeave a comment

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It’s really a little thing.

I mean, cooking a meal… that’s kind of in the job description of a parent or a spouse, isn’t it?

To be honest, I am not sure if I ever really thanked my mom or my step mom for a meal they prepared. And if I didn’t, I’m ashamed of myself.

You see, it was after we got married and I began cooking for John that I noticed his habit of saying “thank you” for every meal — whether it came from a fast food restaurant, a microwavable bowl purchased at the grocery, the pizza delivery guy, or some hard work in the kitchen.

It’s a small thing.

But words have power and so those two small words mean the world.

It’s not just John though. Our boys usually do it too. Their father has been their model and after most meals, they will say,”Thank you.” If John cooks, I also say thank you, and if we share the cooking, we thank each other. It has become a habit — a good one.

In this world, there are times when it seems that small things no longer matter.

After all, even an invitation to the prom these days requires pictures and posters and flowers and candy… Seriously? Okay, I am not criticizing going the extra mile for someone  you care about, but  it feels like we’ve tried to make everything big, huge, or gigantic. It’s as though nothing is special, because EVERYTHING is special.

Kindergartners graduate, 5th graders do, 8th graders do… By the time they get to high school, it hardly seems special anymore.

I remember talking with a friend about her husband who was apparently not very romantic. Every once in a while, they would take an evening walk and he would stop and pick the biggest, brightest dandelion he could find and hand it to her. It was a little thing, but it meant everything to her.

A few years ago, one of my students came to class during “Teacher Appreciation Week” and handed me a bouquet of lilacs and other flowers that he had picked from the yard on his family’s farm as he waited for the school bus that morning. When he gave them to me in a dusty mason jar that  he had taken from their basement, he told me that he just wanted me to know that he was glad I was his teacher. It took thought and time on his part and I value that gift along with the effort he put into it. In some ways, it was a little thing, but in other ways, it was huge.

Truthfully, there are many times when small things become huge things to me.

I cannot express how huge it is to fill included — to be welcomed, to feel a part of group who see you as one of them. It’s a small thing to many, but to someone who has moved around a lot, it is an amazingly enormous gift.

In my desk, I have an expandable folder filled to overflowing. It contains notes from students, family, friends, and church members. They are notes of encouragement, thank you notes, and even good-bye notes. The words on them are small things — they took only a moment or two to write, but they have had years of impact on my life and the lives of our family. Really, they are small things yet, they are treasures.

How important is it that we do small things?

What is the value of taking a few small moments and reaching out, or a few seconds to say thank you?

20190309_150110In my Christmas stocking, John placed a beautiful necklace that has three small bars hanging from it. Each bar has a separate word: THANKFUL, GRATEFUL, and BLESSED.

I’ve been trying very hard to live a life where I recognize all that I should be thankful for, the gratitude I need to develop, and the many ways in which I have been blessed. As I am learning to recognize them, I am working to acknowledge those who have contributed to my life and made it richer — and I am challenging myself to express my awareness of and my thankfulness for their touch in my life.

I try to do it in small ways. First of all, I thank God for them. Then, I try to do something tangible. A thank you, a flower, a text, a note, a small gift, a pat on the back —  verbally or literally, a hug, a smile, an encouraging word, a cookie, a treat, a brag about them… so many little ways to let someone know that they have touched your life, that they have made a difference. If I value the little things, I know that others will too.

It really isn’t that hard, but it does take intention and thought.

I need to do it more.  You?

 

 

 

And Now We’ve Said Goodbye…

On By mdannels3In Thinking about Family, Thinking about RelationshipsLeave a comment

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Alzheimer’s. Parkinson’s.

Two horrible, cruel, and relentless diseases that have claimed someone we love. I hope this doesn’t offend you, but I hate these diseases.

A few years ago, I wrote a blog about Alzheimer’s. I did so because my brother-in-law was diagnosed with this type of dementia. It was an early onset form of the disease, meaning that he was diagnosed at a younger-than-normal age. He lost his battle with the disease recently, and again, it was at a younger-than-normal age.

He was a husband, father, son, uncle, brother, cousin, and brother-in-law. He romanced my sister, raised strong, independent daughters, became a member of our clan, lived as an outdoors man, cooked like a chef, and worked diligently at his chosen profession.

He was a friend; he was family.

The disease first showed itself when he began to forget things. At one point, he lined up pictures on his dresser and every morning would go through the names of the ones in those pictures because he was determined to not forget the ones that he loved. He knew that something was wrong and as was his character, he set out to “fix” it. The diagnosis of Early Onset Alzheimer’s ended his career sooner than intended. Later, to add insult to injury, Parkinson’s was also diagnosed.

We have since learned that Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s are diseases that often occur simultaneously. To be honest, we’ve learned more about these two diseases than we ever wanted or cared to know — my sister and her girls especially.

This disease is a thief. To begin, it steals in small ways that are barely noticeable, it causes confusion, and frustration. For my brother-in-law, the consumate outsdoorsman, it stole his desire to fish, to hunt, and to hike. The memories that he had created and the opportunity to continue creating memories with his family while participating in these activities suddenly ended as well. As the disease continued to impact his mind, it stole his recent memory, familiar behaviors, loved personality traits, and his independence. In the later stages, it took other abilities, including the ability to speak and to be understood.

His disease ran its course quickly, too quickly.

Young couples dream of the day when they will get to enjoy freedom to travel or to stay home and engage in their hobbies. Alzheimer’s took away that dream in more ways than one. Dreams that seemed so simple, restful, and enjoyable were no longer feasible when the interest and ability to engage in them ceased. Then of course, the time to enjoy them was taken when we lost him. My heart hurts for my sister and my nieces. They have lost so much.

Goodbyes are hard. This is one we wouldn’t have chosen. Yet, we’ve been saying goodbye to so many little things each and every day for the last few years. That doesn’t make saying the final goodbye to him — or to anyone — any easier.

I’ve learned something through this process.

Pictures — memories — laughter — travel — hikes — sitting together and drinking coffee — hugs — “I love you’s” — say “YES” to all of them. Say “YES” often. Make opportunities for them and say “YES” every chance you get.

Just as when I lost my brother, I went looking for pictures of my brother-in-law in the numerous albums and boxes of pictures and I discovered that I had far too few.

Memories — I’ve got those. Numerous memories filled with laughter, rolled eyes, rivers, mountain trails, Cocker Spaniels, a Lab, cats, goats, dancing, delicious food, and good conversations.

Laughter? Yes, we shared a lot of it — probably not enough, but there was a bunch. Hugs and “I love you’s” were often present as well. Again, probably not enough, but we do have the memories of the ones we enjoyed.

Make memories — they are treasures that cannot be replaced.

One thing I greatly admired about my sister was the decision she made to create as many memories for her, her daughters, and her grandchildren as she possibly could that included their loved one. Those memories are jewels that they will treasure for the rest of their lives. The fact that he is gone cannot touch them. Those memories are truly a blessing and a gift.

We will all say our own goodbyes. Some may be protracted as this one was, but some may be quick and unexpected. We will feel prepared for some and others will take us off guard.

Live so that there will be no regrets.

Live at peace with one another. Make memories that will be treasures, not regrets. Spend time together. Say what needs to be said. Remember to be kind. Say “YES.”

Love each other — and be sure to tell them.

 

I’m the Mom…

On By mdannels3In Thinking about Family, Thinking about God, Thinking about Relationships, Thinking about SchoolLeave a comment

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In our boys early years, I would sit down before school started each year and write a letter to each of their teachers. The boys delivered the letters to them during the first week of classes. It was our way of letting the teacher know that we were going to be involved parents. (Teachers probably thought we would be helicopter parents — I  don’t think we were that bad!) But more than that, it was an opportunity to introduce our children to their teachers. We knew that these handsome little boys would be faces in a crowd and we wanted to give them the best possible start to their school year.

The oldest’s letter went something like this:

“As the oldest of three boys, he is a very responsible young man who hates school, but if he trusts you, he will follow you to the moon and back. He has traveled to many states, seen many amazing things, visited numerous museums, and as a result, is curious about how and why things work. Learning is hard for him. He will ask for help — but only when he’s desperate. He’s hard on himself and thinks that things should come easier than they do. Please be patient with him.”

The middle son’s letter was different:

“This boy taught himself to read when he was four. Learning comes easily to him. He has a photographic memory, is fascinated by WWII, and can explain how submarines work. If you tell him what you plan to teach, he will come to school the next day knowing more about it than you can imagine. He will challenge you — if you misquote a fact, he will correct you and often, he will be right. He is a perfectionist and is very hard on himself. We are trying to help him find balance. Your job will be a tough one, but we believe in you and will pray for you. Keep in touch with us and we will help as we can.”

The letter for the youngest was different still:

“You will find that he is a kind, caring, and gentle young man. His goal in life is to make people around him laugh; we apologize in advance because he’s good at it. He knows how to behave, but may need a gentle reminder or two. When he gets “tickled” he will laugh until he cries — often slapping his leg in the process. He does imitations of adults, movie stars, cartoon characters, and yes, teachers. He learns fairly easily, reads voraciously, loves CALVIN AND HOBBES, and cares deeply about the people who surround him. Honestly, for him, relationships are far more important than learning or grades.”

Like all parents, we knew that our boys were very different young men. They still are. Like all parents, one of the fascinating challenges we faced was helping each of our boys to succeed in the areas where he had ability. While growing stronger in areas of strength is important, we also tried to stretch them and help them to challenge themselves — to find new areas of interest, and to determine new abilities. More than anything, however, we wanted our boys to see God as a loving Heavenly Father and to make the decision to love, follow, and serve Him. We still want that.

As the mom, I love to look back at pictures from our yesterdays: baby pictures, school pictures, holidays, vacations, and everyday snap shots. I often “paint a picture” in my mind of the growth of each of these young men, and sometimes I wonder if we did enough. Was there sufficient laughter and play balanced by times of hard work? Did we travel, learn, and create enough? Was our time together as a family valued? Did we spend enough time together learning about God and serving others?

Naturally, we weren’t perfect, but the pictures remind me that maybe, just maybe, with God’s help we did okay. We see the men they have become and we are proud of them and the choices they are making. Are we disappointed sometimes? Of course, but they are good men — men of character and strength.

These men of character moved from the “little boy stage” to young boys in classrooms, at music lessons, in libraries, at Church, in Sunday School, and in our home — wherever it might have been. Many, many people helped us as we worked to raise them. There were teachers, pastors, Sunday School teachers, Youth leaders, friends and friends’ moms and dads. Ultimately, we are the ones who are responsible for the way they were raised. We were careful to choose people who we believed would love our boys for the  people they were and the men they could become.

That’s why we wrote the letters. That’s why we prayed for their teachers, friends, friends’ parents, neighbors, and the church members who surrounded them. It’s why we prayed for the ones they would love and choose to spend their life with — and it’s why we still do.

Being the Mom is a great honor and privilege, but it is an enormous responsibility — one I wouldn’t trade for anything. This whole Mom thing is one of my favorites, no matter how old those boys get!